I heard about the baby blues. But I did not believe in it. I mean, I knew I already love this baby even before he was born, why would I feel sad or whatever when he arrives? Sensitive maybe. But sad, alone, depressed, regret?
I thought it just happens when people has a totally unplanned pregnancy or nobody to help or something like that. But it’s not just about the circumstances of your life – it can probably make everything worse. BUT the hormones change everything, of course. You have been feeling it during the pregnancy. Then there is the sleepless. OMG, how I miss a 3 hour sleep. No sleeping makes everything harder. However, what scared me the most was the responsibility that now I carry for the rest of my life. It will look like a burden.
Put it all together plus a crazy cycle of milk, poop, pee, crying, sleeping (for the baby – not you) repeating every 3 hours – or 2, or less. Feeling like a zombie. A robot. A cow. And I’m not even talking about the moments you’ll cry because you don’t know what to do when he is crying. Or because you think you aren’t doing a good job. Or just because you are exhausted.
I tried to sleep when he sleeps, but, who said he wants to sleep? And, when he does, I also need to eat, poop, pee, shower, cry and try to find an answer for the question that have been hunting me down since the first day home with baby: Why do people have the second?
PS: Writing at 4 weeks postpartum. I know I’ll probably find the answer for that question soon.
PS: I DID! (5 months later!)